29 June 2006

Chicago common sense



THE LIQUOR COMMISSION NEEDS TO GET OFF ITS HIGH HORSE and the yuppie vandals who demand the shuttering of taverns in neighborhoods they've only just moved into ought to shut the fuck up. The long war against the tipple at the tap must end. There's such a bill of frights at work here, starting with the collusion of newbie homeowners (or worse, renters) with distant, faceless liquor bureaucrats who apply arcane, draconian standards that are essentially a series of tripwires and trapdoors designed to monkey with the good sleep of honest publicans and pay lip service to the conservatism of this fresh generation of suburbanites who now live next door and who strive to become part of a cloistered class that lives in physical and spiritual cul-de-sacs (Like our very own mayor.) The corner tavern was there before you were born, mister, and Chicago, sister, is a two-fisted drinking, brawny town that could never find footing on your puny, piss-ant shoulders. Some come to cities to live in society, not to drink in the eat-in kitchen at the corner of Stupor and Distraction. Under the wrist hoisting the pint is the pulse of a city, and that city is Chicago. [Originally published in Newcity, 29 June 2006.]